About dreams and fears

After I post a picture in my Instagram you think how crazy and careless I am, and how easy it is for me to leave everything and go, to make friends with strangers and share a hostel room with 8 people. Here's me with a kebab for lunch in Istanbul, and a few hours later I'm landing in Lviv with a cup of latte. And I'll tell you, there's nothing more exciting and more natural for me than having this kind of lifestyle. (okaaay, there're some other amazing things in  life that make me happy – like morning cuddles, a book I've always wanted to get, or meetings with friends I miss so much!).

There's always something (an inner voice?), that tells me: "go there, do this..." And to be honest, if I REALLY want it, I won't ask myself: "Is it right? Shall I do it? Or maybe later?" I don't make a list with reasons of "why I shouldn't do it now". My personal freedom to choose life priorities, to believe, that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be, push me to act. Life is such an adventure! This year I've got something bigger than a wish to visit places and search for the best dessert in a city (although I still do it). At one point, when I was reading blogs of travelers, who can make a living while traveling, I felt a bit jealous and desperate, since for me it looked like a pie in the sky. (There are plenty remote jobs for programmers, web designers, translators, copy-writers, writers–that is nothing related to my abilities). Nevertheless, I started to think about my skills (hehe, not many) and my interests (traveling? talking to people? doing nothing? taking photos? or showing others that life isn't that bad? :D). After tons of information and techniques on "how to find a life purpose", I haven't got an answer yet. Or maybe I just didn't want to accept it?..

In my "teaching adventure" I'm meeting people and receiving lots of positive feedback, so it would be probably stupid to quit it. (However I do think that being a teacher isn't prestigious at all (unless you teach in China), every time I say "I'm a teacher" I wanna laugh, people don't understand how a person, who can speak CHINESE works as an English teacher.

One day after months of thinking I came up with an idea of online teaching. But there was a problem, the one that was stopping me – I feel uncomfortable when watching myself on a video. (Hard to believe, yeah?). So how will I have an online class if I don't accept myself, how I look and talk? Another thing bothered me – how does it look like to teach online? Is it effective? How to use an online platform?.......and many more other questions made me procrastinate..... until one day I applied for an online school. It took me about 3 months to reply to their invitation for an interview (yup, it's me, a girl who's not scared to stay at a creepy hostel in Chunking Mansion but working online was a big step out of my comfort zone. At the same time, I thought – never try, never know. A long story short, I passed an interview, they liked my demo class, and I got a contract. But in the end I didn't start work, since I didn't have the Internet (LOL), yes just right when I was finally (!) ready to start.

The next few months I was busy and sometimes pretending being busy :D I worked 2 days a week, travelled in China, and on August 21st (feels like it was years ago) I took my last selfie at HK airport, said "zai jian" (and promised to come back?))

The moment, when I considered and realized all the advantages of online teaching, I recorded a self-introduction video, looked at myself again, remembered all the kind words I've ever heard about myself, and I tried again. I wasn't scared any more. I could see bright opportunities on the other side of my fear.

Imagine yourself being at the sea when you can't swim, but the water is so crystal clean, you see people swimming, splashing water, the more you stare, the more you want to know how it feels, so you decide to jump into it. Right, you need to JUMP! (You don't need to read about swimming, or write a thesis about the seaweed in this sea :D YOU HAVE TO MAKE A STEP!).

And that's what I actually did. (I know, I wasted lots of time not believing in myself). The day when I had my first online classes was my personal triupmh. 

I embraced "a new life", that will lead me to great places, new experiences and changes.

In a conclusion, I just wanna say don't be afraid to start! Give me motivational books you're reading, do something for yourself (or a person you love) in 2018 and remember, that it's better to try than to cry ;)

I believe in you!       M.